Silence

I remain silent,
I have my truth,
I am right sometimes,
I can not always be wrong,
Life’s fight was more effort,
Than the fight left within me,
A child bursting free from this adult cocoon,
Scared, raw and with steps of trepidation,
Unsure of my new found freedom,
Unsure of my minds foundations,
Moments of vulnerability in a soft shell,
Prey for the sharks and other predators of the deep,
Preying on my weakened state,
While I find my voice,
Find my place,
Apologies for behaviours unbecoming,
Of a child in adult skin,
The keys to the sweet shop at hand,
To indulge my vices,
To dampen the screaming in my head,
My addictions knew no bounds,
Self restraint lost on the sea of voices,
Egging me on to fail,
To be discovered,
For what I feared to be,
For what I believed I became,
Eagerly free falling at pace,
To my rock bottom,
To bounce back up and down,
Like a Kiwi on elastic,
But now,
The voices still remain,
I laugh at them in mocking tones,
They longer haunt my nights, power my days,
Or prickle at my fears,
My own internal voice shouts above my critics,
Loud and proud,
To be me,
To accept my madnesses, my obsessions and my joy,
To be me,
World be dammed.

I have only just written this, but I felt I had to post it. I not sure if I had mentioned it before, but I have not written a poem since giving up the booze six years ago. I would nightly sit down with a beer and a joint, and bang out something, the more drunk I was the harder it was to read what I had written, but I would do my best to translate the ‘Drunkenies’ back in to English the following day, haha, the old days!

Suddenly, over the last two weeks I have written a number of new poems, I cant say why, I have not begun to drink again, yet the passion and desire to write is back. I have over the last few years been only writing daft short stories, which are all posted here, I had a panick three weeks in to posting on here when I had no more stories written, maybe this kick started my mind to start a poem, the first one took several weeks to get down, and became about a different subject from where I had started. I am glad they are back, I hope other enjoy them as much as I did writing them.

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