Being human

I am only human,
With all its faults in a minds frailty,
Its sense of being and its fragility,
Shattered by just one wrong glance,
One misplaced word in tongue in cheek,
I am only for all my many sins made of just flesh blood and bone, Naked to the world once this bravado is seen beyond,
A child at heart,
To whom every infraction is a bilious blast,
Who will cast aside any slights from those once held close,
For whom this toxic venom would poison my own world,
Just to protect me from my own vicious bite,
To help myself from my own hand,
Hours spent gazing in to refractions of warm water,
As these blades glisten aside this bath,
Beckoning in a Hockney realism,
To submerse myself beneath this scarlet caress,
Until bubbles stop,
In this land where ropes are used,
But not for swings to be hung from ageing apple trees,
A world where adult minds still deal with life in childhood innocents, Without the conditioning to handle it’s hurting beyond the silvering screen, Of our adolescent dreaming’s,
With no happy ending upon this storm ridden horizon,
Forty three going on twelve,
As my Waterloo sunset dips beyond on me,
I do feel afraid,
Will I meet this humble wretches maker,
Of my own misdirection,
Just for the raging voices to be silenced,
Their incessant chatter driving me to a maddening mind,
The wraith within grasping at my mortal soul,
My own inflictions tear me to shredded pieces of this dream,
But too disturbing to minds of others, Of my own free will,
But as hobbies go….,
And as these modern day pirates rape my soul for their daily buck, They leave this empty carcass for vultures to finish,
I limp on to the destruction of my own soul for shits and giggles,
As drunken men find solace in abject silence,
But for their own ringing words in an emptied skull, Compressed to distraction by alcohols numbing,
I talk happily to the walls,
In interruption of this broken life,
You had never listened to any other word I had said, But Hyde still struggles with Jeckle for possession of my dormant soul,
I’m feeling like I am locked in a cage,
With neither entrance or exit,
No way out,
Trapped beneath my own compulsions,
In my own exhaustive struggles to escape,
Still I lay ensnared beneath this burden of existence,
Still the drunken coward with my own fate in delirium tremens of the morning
after,
I twitch and convulse for my own torture,
With this alcoholics watershed passed,
Free to be the other me,
Whose troubles are thrown away with last night’s detritus, In the cold light of morning,
Tied up in a black sack never to be thought about again,
But to be lived in unending repetition,
When the sun finally loses its grip on this world once more, Unleashing darkness’s demons to claw at my sanity for another round, No rumble in the jungle,
Just an abstract lynching in the living room,
As I wrestle with my own angel,
With my devils bellow pulling me downward,
You can lead a horse to water,
But a drunk needs no such enticement, His own destruction lies ithin his trembling hand, His vision blinkered by gaudy labels, Promising much,
But delivering nothing but his own exile, From those once held close,
Led on by each syrupy nectars and illicit flavours,
In to the whirlpool of his own demise, Dragged down by tastes misleading’s, Swing low,
Sweet carry out,
To carry me to my down below,
My hell,
With a grin on my dry parched lips,
And laughter behind these bloodshot eyes,
To a realm where each sin is pandered to, Each indulgence forced upon this weakened spirit, And in to this wretches endless eternity,
I will smile,
For I,
Am only human.

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