The Famous Five do Berlin

Somewhere in Berlin, February 1932, the drizzle outside falls in a fine mist, becoming visible as it his the arc of the few street lamps and lit shop fronts. Foot traffic is light out on the streets, the depression in full swing, and homeless citizens cower in subways and doorways in a futile attempt to stay dry. Foot steps rattle and echo down the metallic spiral staircase leading to beer cellar. The table of four in the dimly lit corner look up like startled meerkats as their final member steps off the last stair and orders a beer, this is the second meeting of the newly founded, ‘Association of New Germanys Elite Republic’ or A.N.G.E.R for short……..

Around the table, like the chess club in school, are sat, Fredrick Rosen ‘Party leader’, Otto Franks ‘Deputy leader’, Wolfgang Berg ‘Propaganda minister’,
Herman Gunter ‘Minister of Economics’ and Wilhelm Dieter ‘Minister for Foreign affairs’.
“Right gentlemen, refresh your drinks, the meeting will come to order in five minutes” Fredrick rose to tell the gathering,
“Make sure your pencils sharp Wolfgang, you will be taking the minutes of the meeting as usual” Fredrick laughed as he said this, while he returned to the bar for a fresh drink,
“But, but, I use a pen Fredrick” Wolfgang added feebly to Fredrick’s back, the rest of the group chuckled at his literal grasp of the throw away comment. Fredrick turned to the group,
“Anyone else need another drink?” He asked the small gathering, a chorus of yes’s rose from the table all nodding like pigeons grasping at dropped crumbs at a public attraction.

“Right gentlemen, come to order please, could you please read the outstanding business from last months meeting Wolfgang” Fredrick said and sat down,
“Err, right, um, well, policies, we need to discuss policies, we said that, that, um should, um no, has to be agreed tonight” Wolfgang had trouble talking to groups larger and two people, but nobody wanted to hold the post of propaganda, so it was Wolfgang’s by default. The gathering all sat there and mulled it over, when all of sudden Wilhelm stood,
“Gingers! I don’t like Gingers. Not the American dancer, but these snug bastards, walking round with their copper heads and pale skin, its just unnatural, I mean, ginger hair, come on” a cheer went around the table alongside a hum of yes, yes.
“You hit the nail on the head there brother Wilhelm, so what we going to do with them?” Fredrick said in response,
“Anything we want, I don’t think they would be missed, would they?” Wilhelm replied finishing with a semi statement/part question. Otto chipped in,
“I have heard it’s because their fathers cock is rusty, not being looked after properly, there should be some blame laid with them” a mumble of approvement circled the table,
“Good we are off and running, have you written that down Wolfgang? anything else?“ Fredrick asked, a murmur filled the air, none of them wanting to sound daft. Such a strong idea first up put the pressure on the crowd,
“Vegans, how about vegans? Its not bad enough they don’t eat meat, but no animal products, egg, milk, cream, cheese and they wont wear leather either. Its just too much” Herman said excitedly,
“Yeah, you have been cooking all day for a dinner party, one turns out to be vegan, impossible!” Chirped up Wilhelm, and the mumble of approval circled the table, after two strong ideas, the pressure ramped up, everyone searching for that one idea to break the unbearable silence.
“How about mediums ‘ooohhh I can talk to the dead’ what a load of old bollocks” Otto said in a clear strong voice, and sat back down almost as abruptly as he stood,
“Err, well, ummmm, would you, sorry, we, umm, include astrologers?” Wolfgang added feebly,
“Why would we?, outer space has to be a goal of ours to conquer, after we have brought the people of earth to heel, we will need to know about the planets that are out there” Fredrick snapped back at his propaganda minister,
“No, no Fredrick, that’s astronomers, astrologers are those wing nuts that tell your future by the month you were born” Otto corrected his party leader, as gently as he could, Fredrick visibly embarrassed by his error added,
“Oh yeah, ha, fuckers, absolutely, maybe we should just say those with mystic powers, then we can include those twats pulling rabbits out of hats, magic my big fat hairy sack!” The tension eased as a chorus of laughter hit the air,
“Look guys, I know this is hard, but the Nazi’s party have all the top minority’s in their sights, there not much left for us, I think we have made a strong start tonight, but let us also sleep on it, we can add to it at anytime before our first press conference and rally” Fredrick finished this with a small round of applause for his ministers,
“What’s next up Wolfgang?” Fredrick asked as he sat back down, and Wolfgang rose tentatively again.
“Ummm, right, yes, ahhhhh, how do we make Germany Great again? I think here we will have a little cross over with the Nazi party” He said and quickly sat back down, out of the spotlight,
“War” demanded Herman,
“All out war” added Otto,
“Total war” Wilhelm said with total conviction,
“World war!” Barked Fredrick raising a clenched fist skyward in triumph,
“Slow down, my hands cramping” whimpered Wolfgang.

Fredrick stood, his right hand over his heart, and bowed his head, only raising it to start to speak,
“War, it is inevitable, yes, our rival party have also suggested increasing the size of the new German empire, but we will do it our way, I’m sure there is a song there, anyhow, where was I, ah yes, war. We will strike those cheese eating surrender monkeys first, the French, two reasons, one, it’s a push over, like a bye to the next round of the cup, we will wander over, knock on the door of the Maginot line, wave our guns, job done. Two, we will have access to good food, beautiful women, fine art, and a good jumping off point as we attack England, enlist the French soldiers in to our own ranks, different colour uniforms so they are not mistaken as our fine German soldiers, of course” He stopped to take a long slurp on his beer,
“Then we will move east taking on Russia, once again add their troops to our ranks, once we have the whole of Europe in our grasp, only then will we attempt to cross the channel and take on the British, once we have broken them we will go for those loud mouthed isolationists, the Americans” he finished with another long slurp on his beer and waved for a refill for the table as he caught the barman’s eye. There was a rousing round of applause for this plan, and Fredrick was seen to wipe a small tear from the corner of his eye. Herman then stood to speak,
“In line with the plan for domination laid out by brother Fredrick, this is how we can improve German finances, it’s a bit much having to withdraw a bankers draft to by a stamp because the wife has the wheelbarrow full of cash to go and buy bread!, so we will also plunder, Nazi’s have not said a word on plundering, this in turn will boost our coffers, the extra employment in the armed forces and construction of a better Germany will knock down the unemployed, I reckon if we start in 1937, it will all be over by 1939, and we can look forward from there” Herman finished with a confident tone. The entire table applauded this,
“We can look forward going in to the new decade more powerful than ever before, more land than we know what to do with and a world free from the ginger curse, all hail Fredrick Rosen, hail” Otto finished trying to start a chant, but failing. The barman walked over to the table with the fresh drinks, and as he collected the empty glasses he said,
“I know you boys are regulars, and I am willing to cut you a little slack, but any more outbursts like the last one, and you will be all barred, it’s a beer hall not a rally point, your frightening the other customers, last warning” and he wandered back to the bar.
“We will command more respect when we are in power, he will be gone, I am sure I saw a flash of ginger in his beard, even so, there will be no rebuking of our new regime, ooohhh, that reminds me, we need a secret police unit, its all the fashion at the moment, everyone and their wives have a secret police unit” Fredrick said trying to sound commanding in a hushed whisper, but falling short,
“Well, we all have our tasks, so anyone know someone looking for a new challenge, I am taking recommendations from you guys for the newly created position of commander of the secret police, also, if we call them secret police, then its no longer a secret, so any ideas will be welcome” Fredrick finished and sat down, Otto then added his choice for the new position,
“How about gimpy Gedeon, he sells the Berlin times outside the chancellery office. Picked up a shrapnel wound at the Somme, now one of his legs is a bit wonky, but he is tough as nails, he was invalided out in 1917 when they realised he could no longer climb the trench ladders” he said confident of his nomination,
“Is he not a bit mad? I heard he was a bit of psycho actually, paranoid, you know what I mean?” Wilhelm added to the conversation,
“Just because I am paranoid, it does not mean they are not out to get me, hahahaha” Fredrick chipped in jovially,
“Yeah, remember last christmas, he got sloshed on that bottle of schnapps? Someone called him a raspberry ripple, and he broke in to the zoo and head butted the gorilla, just to prove how hard he was” added Herman trying to suppress a laugh, but desperately trying to look serious,
“Errr, Errm, call me stupid, but raspberry ripple?” Nervously added by Wolfgang, hoping not to be ridiculed,
“Ok stupid, hahaha, raspberry ripple, cripple, stupid” the table now collapsed in hysteria with the exception of Wolfgang, then he joined in as Fredrick put a reassuring arm around his shoulders. They all nodded in agreement that Gedeon was a strong nomination, and as long as they could keep him sober he would do just fine,
“Ok, well I will invite him here tomorrow night for a chat, will you all be free to meet him?“ Otto said and called on the barman for another round. Every one voiced their availability for another meeting tomorrow night, to interview the new recruit, then Otto raised a hand, and Fredrick nodded for him to speak,
“How about calling them The Peacekeepers? You know, really throw those outside the circle off the scent on them being an armed secret police force” he finished and grabbed for his beer. Then Frederick spoke.
“I like it, I like it, dare I say, love it, very calming The Peacekeepers, just like the old western Colt 45, love it, that can be the symbol on the badge, ooohhhh, the juices are flowing now, can we take a vote on it brothers?” He finished sounding like a giddy school girl, they all rose their hands in agreement,
“Passed unanimously, write that down Wolfgang, set it in stone now” he finished gleefully, he took a long slug on his fresh drink, and began again,
“Right good work tonight brothers, we have put a real dent in the jobs list, is there any other business on the minutes Wolfgang?” Fredrick asked in a more calm and party leader tone when asking this,
“ERR, um, yeah, well, we are still looking for minorities to bully, Errm, we have sorted the economics, aaaaahhh, unemployment, expansion, secret police, some minority’s and names the secret police, I think we have covered everything” Wolfgang said a little more confident now the alcohol was smoothing out the edges of his world,
“Ok, can we just brainstorm for the next half an hour on minorities, and then we are done, and we can get mullered on the schnapps, keep the cold out” Fredrick finished with a smile and a gleam in his eye,
“How about, and its just a suggestion, mime artists, or any street performer if its easier to police” Herman said with some real venom in his voice, Wolfgang felt a little bit of wee escape and warm his left thigh,
“Bravo, Bravo Herman, what a wonderful finale to our evening, street performers, dare I say, circus folk?” Cheered Otto, Fredrick stood,
“How about denying them performance licences and then have a law against un-licensed outdoor performing, bang!” Finished Fredrick, glancing over to mouth ‘sorry’ to the ever more irritable barman,
“Aaaaannnnddddd, we are done!” Exclaimed and more and more merry Wolfgang, and brought his fist down on to the table imitating a gavel.

Out came the schnapps, and out went any memory of the rest of the evening, Wolfgang was convinced he was supposed to write up the new policy’s of the New Reich, to be, but he could not remember who was suppose to approach Gedeon about the new post, he was petrified by him, and convinced himself he only had to get the polices written up and printed six copies. He could kiss Temmler-Werke, if they were men, women or alien, for the production of Pervitin, as little pick me up for the constantly hung over, this would be central to build the New Reich. It would last a ten thousand years, he and his crew would be revered, loved, worshiped and remembered as the fathers of this new super continent, and soon we will own the know, and un-known, universe, nothing can stop them now, nothing. He hoped the printing machine was not out of paper, that could delay the New Reich, but could never stop this steamroller now, not even a lack of paper.


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